


Tax Fraud Squad ( seventeen chatfic)

by haobubbles



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: AGAIN THIS IS A CHATFIC, Chaos, Chatting & Messaging, Everyone Is Gay, FR, Gay Panic, IM HERE FOR IT, M/M, Maybe - Freeform, Not Beta Read, SO IF YOU DONT VIBE WITH THAT LEAVE, SWAG MEISTER VERNON, Slowest of the burn, This is weird, but wonwoo isnt any better, chan is a single bean, cuz im cool liek that, cuz im cool like that, everyone lowkey sucks a feelings, gay disaster mingyu, gay hurricane soonyoung, hurrigay™, jeongcheol and junhao already dating, jun is kinda a weirdo, not jeongcheol, ok there is alot of gross humor, the burn is slow, they know what their doing, this is a chatfic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-10
Updated: 2021-03-03
Packaged: 2021-03-10 06:27:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,360
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27959897
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/haobubbles/pseuds/haobubbles
Summary: bruh: now i know how it feels to be forgottenangel: no bby i didn't forget you <3bruh: :/ okangel: i- why does no one appreciate my love :'(bruh: cause its fake :\single: DAMNpervert: DAMNchild: DAMNfather: DAMNoranother seventeen chatfic cause im sad and bored.
Relationships: Boo Seungkwan/Chwe Hansol | Vernon, Choi Seungcheol | S.Coups/Yoon Jeonghan, Hong Jisoo | Joshua/Lee Seokmin | DK, Jeon Wonwoo/Kim Mingyu, Kwon Soonyoung | Hoshi/Lee Jihoon | Woozi, Wen Jun Hui | Jun/Xu Ming Hao | The8
Comments: 8
Kudos: 57





	1. " I would eat my boyfriends shit but only if he was a dog" wen junhui,while reasoning about why he would eat dog shit

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> chat names to avoid confusion:  
> Jun: simp  
> Soonyoung: furry  
> Jihoon: nausea  
> Jeonghan: angel  
> Seungcheol: father  
> Chan: child  
> Wonwoo: edgelord  
> Minghao: g8 m8  
> Vernon: bruh
> 
> I WILL SAY THIS RIGHT NOW. THIS IS REALLY WEIRD...I WAS LIKE HALF ASLEEP WRITING IT....

**Tax Fraud Squad**

**4;online Dec 5 ,2020 9:08am**

**simp:** yooooooo this chat died

**furry:** yeah cause you were in the hospital dumbfuck

**nausea:** wait jun was in the hospital-

**simp:** you didnt know???

 **simp:** i told soon to tell everyone-

**nausea:** how did you even get into the hospital.

**simp:** before you explain is haohao in this chat

**furry:** ye why-

**simp:** kick him real quick

**furry removed g8 m8 from the chat**

**simp:** kay now you can explain

**furry:** jun was walking down some stairs while looking at his phone and broke his leg

 **furry:** two days before our dance showcase

**angel:** disappointed but not surprised-

**nausea:** i think that pretty much describes your entire parenting journey 

**furry:** wait listen thats not even the worst part

 **furry:** the reason why he fell is cuz he saw a cute photo of minghao and he just flooped down the stairs.

**simp:** ye and i had to watch the performance through facetime

 **simp:** ya'll slayed btw

**father is online**

**father:** *y'all

**simp:** whatever-

 **simp:** you can add hao back now

**furry added g8 m8 to the chat**

**furry:** and now we wait for minghao to see the explanation and beat you up-

**simp:** not you wanting me to get beat up after just coming out of my cast 😔😔

 **simp:** fake friend 

**furry:** luv you bae😘

**simp:** thats why ur the side chick😳😳 

**furry:** eye-

**Tax Fraud Squad**

**8;online Dec 5 2020 1:37pm**

**g8 m8:** Wen Junhui

**bruh:** uh oh

**g8 m8:** YOU FUCKING IDIOT 

**g8 m8:** Im not even mad you couldnt perform the dance me worked on for mouths

 **g8 m8:** I'm mad because you didn't tell me you were in the FUCKING HOSPITAL ISTG YOU DUMBFUCK

**simp:** i didn't want to make you stressed before the show

**g8 m8:** bullshit

**edgelord:** wait-

 **edgelord:** jun was in the hospital????

**furry:** you didnt know BBBAHAHAHHSHAJSJSJ

**edgelord:** no???

**simp:** your my best friend???

**father:** *you're

**child:** isnt hao ur best friend??

**simp:** no 

**simp:** hes loml

**g8 m8:** eat dog shit you degenerate 

**simp:** only if its yours ;)

**bruh:**...

**angel:**...

**edgelord:**...

**child:**...

**father:**...

**furry:** wtf jun

**nausea is online**

**nausea:** the first thing i see when i get online is that jun would eat minghaos shit if he was a dog

**simp:** I would eat my boyfriends shit but only if he was a dog. If hes a human its weird-

**furry:** it doesn't make a difference???? your still eating shit????

**father: *** you're

**edgelord:** #Junisoverparty

**angel:** i dont get it its only the afternoon and jun has still managed to get canceled-

**simp:** its obvious dog shit is nutritional

 **simp:** i mean look at all that weird stuff in dog food

**g8 m8:** no you know what-

 **g8 m8:** i am gonna leave

 **g8 m8:** were breaking up-

**simp:** I WOULD EAT SHIT FOR YOU AND THIS IS HOW YOU TREAT ME???????

 **simp:** were over. forget you.

**g8 m8:** fine >:(

**simp:** fine >>:(

**simp is offline**

**g8 m8 is offline**

**furry:** wtf just happened????????

**bruh:** idk man but

 **bruh:** how much you wanna bet their making out rn-

**furry:** because he finds it hot that jun would eat shit for him?????

**bruh:** $25 

**furry:** aight bet-

**Tax Fraud Squad**

**2;online Dec 6, 2020 6:23am**

**simp:** yk the doctor said no hardcore movement

 **simp:** but hao I'm pretty sure you could still ride me-

**edgelord:** NOOOO STOP 

**edgelord:** GO TO PRIV LOSER

**simp:** i cant-

 **simp:** he blocked me-

 **simp:** someone pass the message-

**edgelord:** i mean i can pass it ig

 **edgelord:** why did he block you????

**simp:** i was sending dick pics during his exam-

**edgelord:** nvm perish

**simp:** NOOOOOO PLEASE NOOOOOOOO I NEED YOU PLEASE

 **simp:** WE HAVENT DONE ANYTHING IN LIKE 3 MONTHS BECAUSE OF MY BROKEN LEG AND THE DANCE SHOW

**edgelord:** yikes-

 **edgelord:** ill pass the message-

**simp:** THANK YOU

 **simp:** THANK YOU

 **simp:** THANK YOU I LOVE YOU 

**simp:** my one true friend <3

**edgelord:** whatever- 

**Tax Fraud Squad**

**5;online Dec 7,2020 7:38am**

**simp:** :))))))))))))))))))

**edgelord:**...

**simp:** good morning :))))))))))))))))))))

**child:**??? are you ok hyung????

**simp:** im better than ok :))))))))))))))))))))

 **simp:** im fabulous

 **simp:** best i've ever been :)))))))))))))))))))))))

**child:** im confused what happened???

**simp:** welllllllllllll :)))))))))))

**angel:** DONT.YOU.DARE.

**child:**?????

**simp:** sorry you'll learn another time :))))))

**furry:** jun

**simp:** yessiree :)))))

**furry:** why did hao send me a text saying that he couldnt practice today

**simp:** i wouldn't know a thing officer :)))))))

 **simp:** no hardcore physical activities :)))))))))

**child:** did you wrestle?????

**simp:** sure call it that :)))))))

**edgelord:...**

**child:**...you guys are weird

**simp:** :))))))))

**g8 m8 is online**

**g8 m8:** heyo :))))))))))))

**child:** you too?????????

 **child:** is this some kinda disease??????

**furry:** their both gonna get aids- 

**g8 m8:🤔**

**g8 m8:😼😼**

**simp:** do you need help getting out of bed?

**child:** why would he need help?

**g8 m8:👀** :))))))))))) 

**g8 m8:** also yes my legs hurt-

**child:** why?

**g8 m8:** cause i was riding a wild animal last night👀👀

**edgelord: 🤮🤮🤮**

**child:** a horse????

**g8 m8:** sure lets go with that-

**simp:** :)))))))))))))

**furry:** oh my frick fracking fucking god just tell him yall fucked and move on 🙄🙄 

**child:**!!!!!

 **child:** wait what fr????

**edgelord:** id run if i were you soons 

**furry:** you think I'm scared of jeonghan pfffft

**father is online**

**father:** you have 2 seconds

**furry:** oh shit gotta blast-

**furry is offline**

**father is offline**

**angel:** i thought be was the good child

**edgelord:** you had to much faith

**g8 m8:** jun you bitch help me 

**simp:** i am 😎 😎

**g8 m8:** how is stripping naked helping me???

**simp:** I'm gonna help you go places you could never go without me :))))))))))))))

**g8 m8:** jun im gonna be late

**simp:** wait shit same-

 **simp:** ill save it for later-

**edgelord:** please do-

**child:** i dont get it what places???

**simp:** you'll see someday chan

 **simp:** trust me you'll see

**g8 m8:** jun were gonna be late and youre still naked-

**simp:** shit-

 **simp:** you think i can go to class naked???

**g8 m8:** wtf no

**edgelord:** jun is once again

 **edgelord:** canceled 

**Tax Fraud Squad**

**5;online Dec 7, 2020 2:45pm**

**child:** guess whos got a date~~

**simp:** me~~

**child:** i mean i was gonna say me but good for you ig-

**angel:** rlly channie???

 **angel:** im a proud parent

**simp:** get that bread get that head then leave~~

**angel:** stop projecting your messed up lifestyle on my child-

**simp:** ouch-

 **simp:** anyway whos the date??

**child:** this girl from dance

**father:** name, age, specimen

**simp:** SPECIMEN BAHAHAHAHHHSHAHSH

 **simp:** CHAN OUT HERE DATING DIFFERENT SPECIES 

**simp:** I GOTTA GET ON HIS LEVEL 

**nausea:** break up with hao then

**simp:** what you wanna date him?

**nausea:** what-no- if you wanna date another species-

**simp:** im joking

 **simp:** i know who YOU wanna date👀👀👀 

**nausea:** ....no

**simp:** anyway which girl

**child:** kim hyesu

**simp:** OOOO SHES ONE OF THE HIP HOPPIES

**nausea:** the who-

**simp:** the hip hop dancers

**nausea:** thats what you call them??

**simp:** ye its cute right

**nausea:** not rlly

**simp:** </3

**child:** ye shes a hip hop dancer and she likes micheal jackson

**angel:** I APPROVE

**father:** were gonna have to do a deep dive on her later hannie

**angel:** ooooooo we havent done one of those since minghao

**child:** eye-

**Tax Fraud Squad**

**4;online Dec 7, 2020 4:32pm**

**bruh:** some guy is watching gay anime porn next to me-

**edgelord:**....

**simp:** go watch with him-

**edgelord:** canceled yet again-

**simp:** for wanting that good hentai???

 **simp:** (is it good??)

**bruh:** actually yes

**edgelord:** you're watching it??

**bruh:** yup

**simp:** whats the guys name

**bruh:** jonas i think-

 **bruh:** wait

 **bruh:** his name is joshua

**furry:** FOREIGNER 

**bruh:** he speaks le english 

**bruh:** yo this some lit gay hentai doe-

**simp:** add him

 **simp:** i want this lit hentai you speak of-

**bruh added Joshua**

**simp changed Joshua's name to "pervert"**

**pervert:** i was expecting this-

**bruh:** rlly??

**pervert:** no one can accept us gay hentai watching men

 **pervert:** im shunned by my mom

**furry:** fr??

**pervert:** no

 **pervert:** she doesn't even know i watch hentai 😎😎

**simp:** you seem like the type of person who still has a bedtime-

 **simp:** just a random guess...

 **simp:** am i right doe???

**pervert:** no

 **pervert:** well maybe

**edgelord:**....what time?

**pervert:** 9:30 pm sharp-

 **pervert:** its good to have a schedule yk

**nausea is online**

**nausea:** stop blowing up the chat i have things to do-

 **nausea:** wait

 **nausea:** whos the new kid-

**furry:** vernons anime porn friend joshua

**nausea:** i-

 **nausea:** -am not surprised 

**nausea:** everyone in this group is either a pyscho

 **nuasea:** a perv or depressed

**bruh:** or all three-

**simp:** dont gotta call me out like this guys-

**angel is online**

**angel:** jihoon told me joshua was here-

**pervert:** who are you-

**angel:** JEONGHAN

**pervert:** oh hell no

**pervert left the chat**

**angel added pervert to the chat**

**angel:** stay or im getting cheol

**simp:** ya'll know each other????

**nausea:** *y'all

**simp:** y'a'l'l :)))))))))

**angel:** yes very well actually

 **angel:** we've known each other since josh transferred 

**angel:** we have a 95 liner gc with cheol and were besties

 **angel:** right joshie???? :)))

**pervert:** no 

**pervert:** begone evil spirit-

**simp:** no one can save you now >:)

 **simp:** your in hell

**nausea:** *you're

**simp:** y'o'u'r'e'u'g'l'y

**nausea:** at least you used the right you're

**g8 m8 is online**

**g8 m8:** jun

**simp:** uh oh

**g8 m8:** YOU WERE SUPPOSED THE FEED THE CAT DUMBASS

**bruh:** yikes

 **bruh:** you didnt feed the cat my dude????

 **bruh:** that is illegal

**simp:** ik im sorry 

**simp:** forgive me hao

**g8 m8:** no

**simp:** ill give you the best fuck

**g8 m8:**....

 **g8 m8:** still no

**simp:** you thought about it ;)

**g8 m8:** were breaking up

 **g8 m8:** im leaving and im taking the cat

**simp:** NO TJAT IS MY CHILD 

**g8 m8:** save it for court junhui

**simp:** >>>>>>>>>>:((((((((((((((

**edgelord:** welcome to the tax fraud squad joshua

**pervert:** mom pick me up im scared

**simp:** I GAVE BIRTH TO THAT CAT

 **simp:** I CARRIED HER IN MY WOMB

**bruh:** is that what happens when hao tops???

 **bruh:** you get cat babies???

**simp:** eye-

**g8 m8:** eye-

**father:** aight thats it everyone to bed-

**angel:** ok daddy ;)

**child:**!!!!!!

**simp:** in front of your child-

**edgelord:** trust me chan has seen worse-

**child:** I've done worse ;)

**angel:** WHAT

**father:** WHAT

**child:** would you look at the time-

**pervert:** i wanna go home 

**bruh:** this is your home-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> you have finshed the first chapter of this mistake AKNSHBJDBHDNJKLJSD i lowkey wrote this entire thing half asleep at 3am and raging about science.thank you for enduring this creation fueled by rage and sleep deprivation. anyway i wouldn't mind if you dropped a comment or maybe some kudos (￢‿￢ ) 
> 
> stay safe and sexy (￢‿￢ ) and have a wonderful rest of your day!!!


	2. 'YOU COULD GET NIPPLE TRANSFER " - kwon soonyoung, while talking about a third nipple

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the chapter when: we meet mingyu, minghao gets flat shamed, jun is exposing kinks, and soonyoung is still a weirdo.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> chat names to avoid confusion:  
> Jun: simp/ shit eater  
> Soonyoung: furry  
> Jihoon: nausea/ small mf  
> Jeonghan: angel  
> Seungcheol: father  
> Chan: child  
> Wonwoo: edgelord  
> Minghao: g8 m8/single  
> Vernon: bruh  
> Joshua: pervert  
> Mingyu: tall mf
> 
> in the That's my Best Friend chat  
> Jun: Bestie 1  
> Wonwoo: Bestie 2

**Tax Fraud Squad**

**6;online Dec 8, 1:45pm**

**simp:** guess who made a friend~~~

**edgelord:** you?

**simp:** WHAT???? HOW DID YOU KNOW???

 **simp:** psychic bitch

**edgelord:** i-

**simp:** anyway 

**simp:** i made friends with a swanky art kid besides minghao 

**edgelord:** rlly???

**simp:** why is that surprising

**edgelord:** well number one ur socially awkward

 **edgelord:** and number two hao exposed you

**simp:** what

**edgelord:** yeah

 **edgelord:** im surprised you even became friends with them-

 **edgelord:** he exposed you to the entire department

**pervert:** wait what happened

**edgelord:** he exposed that you would eat his shit if he was a dog

**g8 m8** : i can neither confirm nor deny

**pervert:** wait like if jun was a dog he would eat haos shit or if hao was a dog jun would eat his dog shit-

**edgelord:** thats the thing we dont know

**simp:** wait-i think i clarified i would eat his dog shit

**g8 m8:** wtf  
**g8 m8** : were breaking up again

**simp:** we never got back together-

 **simp:** anyways

 **simp:** how did this even happen

**g8 m8:** it wasn't even my fault 

**g8 m8:** i was telling sicheng about it 

**g8 m8:** and he just yelled it out in surprise 

**simp:** thats out of character for him 

**g8 m8:** ik

 **g8 m8:** anyways everyone knows were dating so they knew who he was talking about

 **g8 m8:** but since its you everyone thought i was joking

**simp:** ok thank god i dont have to kill the cat

**g8 m8:** what?

**simp:** if my reputation was ruined i was going to murder the cat

**g8 m8:** yeah im single again

**pervert:** yall never got back together

**g8 m8 changed their name to single**

**single changed simp's name to shit eater**

**shit eater:** no comment

**edgelord:** anyways

 **edgelord:** whats ur new friends name?

**shit eater:** kim mingyu :)

**edgelord:** wait-

 **edgelord:** as in kim mingyu from middle school???

**shit eater:** yep

**pervert:** if you guys were already friends does he count as a new friend???

**shit eater:** let me have this JOSH >:(

 **shit eater:** also we kinda fell out after like junior year

 **shit eater:** the best part about us being homies again is that wonwoo used to have the fattest crush on mingyu

**single:** BAHAHAHSJKSKS REMEMBER THE LOVE LETTER

**shit eater:** NOT THE LOVE LETTER

 **shit water:** HE WENT ALL OUT CURSIVE AND EVERYTHING ISTG

**single:** COULDNT DRAW FOR SHIT SO HE DREW THEM AS STICK FIGURES

**shit eater:** NOT THE KISSING STICK FIGURES

**pervert:** *sighs* ah young love

**single:** wbk ur a hag 

**p** **ervert** **:** YOU HAVE KNOWN ME FOR LIKE TWO DAYS

**single:** somebody get this mans walking stick 

**pervert:** YOU KIDS THESE DAYS ARE SO UNGRATEFUL

**edgelord:**...

 **edgelord:** why do we always go off topic here

**single:** HOT TOPIC?????

**edgelord:** god no

**shit eater:** anyways

 **shit eater:** im adding him

**edgelord:** what-

**shit eater added Mingyu**

**shit eater changed Mingyu's name to tall mf**

**shit eater:** he's like super tall now btw ;)

**edgelord:**...

**tall mf:** wait jun idk anyone in this chat

**pervert:** i love how he knew juns name was shit eater

**tall mf:** well duh i was there when minghao said jun was gonna eat his dog shit

**shit eater:** killing the cat-

**single:** dont you fuckin dare

**shit eater:** try me twig ass bitch >:)

**single:** >:(

**tall mf:** i assume that single is minghao

 **tall mf:** but i dont know anyone besides hao and jun

**shit eater:** and wonwoo

**tall mf:** HES HERE!?!?!? RLLY???!>!?#>

**edgelord:** hi

**tall mf:** omg hi are you still a book nerd????

**shit eater:** BAHAHAHAHSJSKKSKDK

**edgelord:**...

 **edgelord:** yes i am 

**shit eater:** anyways

 **shit eater:** we should all do intros

 **shit eater:** for mingyu cause he doesn't know anyone 

**shit eater:** and josh too ig cause he doesn't know anyone either

**tall mf:** sounds good to me

**single:** aight **@everyone** get yo ass in here

 **single:** were doing intros

 **single:** name, the year you were born, major, and idk something else you wanna tell us

**child:** you go first cheol cause youre an old hag

**father:** the actual disrespect smh

 **father:** choi seungcheol,95 liner, music prod

 **father:** and im dating jeonghan

 **father:** sadly

**tall mf:** i think i ve seen you before

 **tall mf:** ur the hot guy with the dimples and the gummy smile right?

**angel:** stay away from my boyfriend >:(

**pervert:** he literally said he was sad to date you- 

**angel:** with your bitter single ass smh

**pervert: 🙄**

**angel:** anyways

 **angel:** my turn~~~~

 **angel:** yoon jeonghan, 95 liner, fashion design, dating cheol obvi

**tall mf:** wait- jeonghan??

 **tall mf:** we worked together one time i think

**angel:** OOOH THAT MINGYU

 **angel:** yeah i remember you-

 **angel:** hi :)

**tall mf:** hi

**shit eater:** of course you know him-

 **shit eater:** you know everyone- 🙄🙄

**angel:** what?? jealous i have friends??? >:)

**pervert:** im just gonna take my turn now thanks-

 **pervert:** hong (jisoo) joshua, 95 liner, visual art, i used to live in LA, and i can play the guitar and sing 

**bruh:** can you speak english?

**pervert:** yeah

**shit eater:** YOURE TELLING ME UR A SWANKY ART MAJOR???? YOU WATCH HENTAI YOU CANT BE AN COOL ART MAJOR

**pervert:** im sure not if i should be offended or not

 **pervert:** also doesn't minghao watch hentai?

 **pervert:** he's an art major-

**shit eater:** yeah but he's a loser so it doesn't count

**single:** go fuck urlsef

**tall mf:** urlsef :)

**single:** SHUT UP 

**pervert:** anyways whos next

**shit eater:** me~~

 **shit eater:** wen junhui,96 liner, business major (ew) i dance, i also model, im from china, and im obvi dating hao- 

**pervert:** A MODEL?????? UR TOO LAME TO BE A MODEL WTF

**shit eater:** im not even offended hearing that come from you- 

**pervert:** as a wise man once said "go fuck urlsef"

**single:** ACTUALLY SHUT UP 

**bruh:** whos urlsef?

 **bruh:** did i miss something?

**shit eater:** the new hot transfer

 **shit eater:** i think he's russian 

**single:** shut up shut up shut up 

**bruh:** im really confused whats happening-

**furry:** i love how we forgot about me :(

**angel:** no bby i didn't forget about you :(

**furry:** ew die

**angel:** eye-

**furry:** anyways- my name is kwon soonyoung, 96 liner, dancer, and i like tigers

 **furry:** probably to an unhealthy extent-

**tall mf:** omg ur hoshi right?

**furry:** thats me :)

**pervert:** whos hoshi

**furry:** just a stage name i use :)

**nausea:**...

**pervert:** wait i remember you!

 **pervert:** you performed move by taemin last year at the talent show!

**furry:** :)

**nausea:**...

**shit eater:** i love how no one even commented on how he MCed the entire talent show dressed as the Kellogs tiger

**furry:** you could say i did GRRRREAT ;) ( read in tony the tiger's voice)

**nausea:** die

**edgelord:** die

**single:** die

**child:** die

**furry:** yall are so mean :(

**pervert:** thats rough-

**shit eater:** kinky ;)

**nausea:** die

**edgelord:** die

**single:** die

**child:** die

**furry:** die

**pervert:** die

**shit eater:** >:( how r00d 

**nausea:** deserved 

**nausea:** anyways guess its my turn

 **nausea:** lee jihoon, 96 line, music prod, yes im the scary short guy-

**angel changed nausea's name to small mf**

**small mf:** no 

**tall mf:** were matching????*(*&

**small mf:**????

**furry: -__-**

**single:** 🍵

**edgelord:** ANYWAYS-

 **edgelord:** jeon wonwoo, literature, 96 line, im a book nerd (?), and i like cats

**tall mf:** not dogs?

**edgelord:** their ok ig i just prefer cats 

**tall mf:**...oh 

**edgelord:**???

**single:** :0 🍵 

**single:** also

 **single:** my turn

 **single:** xu minghao,97 line, fashion design, i dance,im from china, and im dating jun ( usually im dating him tho im single atm so hmu)

**tall mf:** im sure if anyone tried to hit on you jun would go ballistic 

**single:** it cant hurt to try-

**shit eater:** go fuck urlsef hao

 **shit eater:** also

 **shit eater:** mingyu you should do an intro as well :)

**tall mf:** oh ok 

**tall mf:** kim mingyu, visual art, 97 liner, i like dogs, i also like fashion but i didn't want to go into it as a career, and i model sometimes for extra $$ 

**tall mf:** I've also been told i look like a puppy but honestly i dont see it-

**edgelord:** oh shit

 **edgelord:** sorry wrong chat :)

**shit eater:🍵**

**pervert:** SEE MINGYU AS I MODEL I ACCEPT! BUT JUN????? 

**shit eater:** ugh just accept im handsome and talented 

**pervert:** ill accept it when you're not famous for wanting to eat dog shit ;)

**shit eater:**...go fuck urlsef

**single:** i will actually chokeslam you

**shit eater:** woah calm down jamal dont need to pull out the 9

**single:** im this close to jumping off a cliff and taking the cat with me 

**bruh:** now i know how it feels to be forgotten 

**angel:** no bby i didn't forget you <3

**bruh:** :/ ok

**angel:** i- why does no one appreciate my love :'(

**bruh:** cause its fake :/

**single:** DAMN

**pervert:** DAMN

**child:** DAMN

**father:** DAMN

**small mf:** DAMN

**furry:** DAMN HE CREMATED YOU 

**shit eater:** DAMN HE SMOKED YOU 

**tall mf:** DAMN THAT WAS SMOOTH

**angel:** i actually hate it here 

**father:** dont worry i still love you

 **father:** but that was pretty smooth you gotta admit

**angel:** whatever 

**bruh:** im gonna introduce my self now-

 **bruh:** chwe (vernon) hansol, 98, music prod, i dance sometimes, i was born in NY but moved here when i was 5

 **bruh:** i can speak some lit english doe

**pervert:** aye

**bruh:** aye

**shit eater:** aye

**bruh:** you dont speak english jun-

**shit eater:** i just wanted to say aye

 **shit eater:** the disrespeckt :(

**edgelord:** you spelling disrespect like that burnt my eyes 

**edgelord:** and i already have to wear glasses :/

**shit eater:** why does everyone hate me :(

**child:** 1 like= 1 prayer for jun 😔😔

**shit eater:** at least chan loves me :)

**angel:**...

**edgelord:**...

**father:**...

**child:** crickets :/

**shit eater:** this is cyberbullying :"(

**child:** no one cares jun and anyways its my turn-

 **child:** lee chan,99, dancer, sadly jeonghans child until im 30

**angel:** why does everyone hate me :(

**shit eater:** now you know how i feel

**angel:** i cant believe im on the same level as you :((((

**shit eater:** love you too babe ☆⌒ヽ(*'､^*)

**single:** thats fucking disgusting

**shit eater:** jealousy is a disease bitch

**single:** :/

**shit eater:** :3c

**furry:** WAIT I JUST GOT A GOOD IDEA

**small mf:** thats rare

**furry:** meanie >:(

 **furry:** but anyways

 **furry:** since were trying to become Good Friends 

**furry:** we should say one thing that like we wouldn't tell any random person to get closer

**tall mf:** so like a secret?

**furry:** ig 

**child:** Old Hag go first

**father:** ur so mean :(

 **father:** this is top secret so please dont tell anyone 

**father:** i once wrote sonic x knuckles fanfic

**furry:** AND YOU CALL ME A FURRY????

**tall mf:** please tell me there was no smut

**shit eater:** i once read sonic mpreg fanfic 

**father:** that is an image i never wanted to imagine 

**angel:** when was this-

**father:** like 6th grade 

**father:** did you think i wrote it as a grown ass adult????

**angel:** i wouldn't be surprised if you did-

**father:** ANYWAYS MOVING ON-

**shit eater:** seungcheol furry?

**father:** NOPE NOPE WE ARE NOT TALKING ABOUT THIS 

**shit eater:** ;)

**furry:** WANNA GO TO FUR CON WITH ME HYUNG???

**father:** i hate everything

**pervert:** so true :/

**angel:** my turn~~

 **angel:** i used to think a vagina was a fruit

**single:** *david attenborough voice* the vagina fruit can only be found near the tropical island of Clitoris

**edgelord:** please dont ruin david attenborough for me 

**tall mf:** wait whats a clitoris :(

**edgelord:** you...dont know what a clitoris is?

**angel:** just google it-

**tall mf:** fine but if tentacles show up im gonna cry

**shit eater:** i have the feeling you have been traumatized before

**angel:** weres josh its his turn-

**pervert:** thighs...thighs....THIGHS JSIDOIHIDJSKDKS

**angel:** oh dear

**shit eater:** thigh kink?

**pervert:** ARRAGAGAGAGGAAR 

**pervert:** VERY SEXY ARRRRRRGARGARGARGARGAR

**small mf:** what the actual fuck is happening 

**pervert:** my life goal is to suffocate between thighs GRRRRRRRRRR

**shit eater:** OOooOOOOOo he horny horny >:)

**father:** so shua thigh kink and furry confirmed.

**small mf:** wow so im in a gc with a bunch of furries.

**edgelord:** hoon i watched you bark at a squirrel.

**small mf:** that is the past 

**edgelord:** it was this morning-

**small mf:** yk what? shut up 

**shit eater:** once i changed the movie in the movie theater to gay porn.

**single:** much better than that garbage horror movie ;)

**shit eater:** it was the better type of R rated ;)

**edgelord:**...this....is why yall are dating

**small mf:** how did you even manage to do that.

**shit eater:** top secret ;)

**father:** im more worried about what the people in the theatre thought.

**shit eater:** ;)

**bruh:** i had been wondering why those two naked men just appeared on the screen right before a murder

**shit eater:** BAHAHAHA YOU WERE THERE???

**bruh:** yes

 **bruh:** not to watch gay porn tho

 **bruh:** i will say the porn was better than the movie

 **bruh:** no one even left when it came on

**edgelord:** this is why i worry for society-

 **edgelord:** actuallyi guess its my turn

 **edgelord:** this is really embarrassing

 **edgelord:** one time i was at the store and i saw this guy who looked like minghao from the behind so i went and smacked his ass 

**edgelord:** but i wasnt him so i ran away so fast.

**shit eater:** if the guy had an ass then how could you not tell it wasn't minghao

 **shit eater:** minghao got no ass that shit looks like an extra back

**single:** not you flat shaming me smh

**shit eater:** ok flathao ;)

**single:** this is cyberbullying

**pervert:** wonwoo you really dont seem like that type to smack ass

**shit eater:** he gets smacked 😳 ✋

**edgelord:**....jun

**tall mf:** WGAZAZAZZAZA???

**bruh:** gotta love jun exposing everyone's kinks

**angel:** ur into spanking?

**edgelord:** anyways soons ur turn

**angel:** YOU CANT AVOID ME FOREVER

**furry:** i once went to fur con thinking it was my dance tournament

**shit eater:** GRRR BARK BARK WOOF GRRR

**edgelord:** everyday i worry more

**bruh:** was it fun?

**furry:** did you know there are furry nazis?

**edgelord:** i really didnt wanna know

**father:** my biggest question is how you got dance and furries confused

**furry:** im talented like that ;)

**angel:** so true

**father:** hoon ur turn :)

**small mf:** yeah ik

 **small mf:** i used to have a cosplay tiktok with 100k followers 

**small mf:** and i had toxic fangirls

**furry:** who did you cosplay 

**small mf:** ....

 **small mf:** thank god i deleted the account 

**furry:** TELL ME 

**small mf:** haha no 

**father:** I WAS ABOUT TO SEND THE USERNAME BUT I CAN'T REMEMBER THERE WAS A 6 OR A 3

**small mf:** thank god for your pea-sized brain 

**father:** ur mean >:(

**single:** tee hee my turn

 **single:** me and jun once made frog porn with real frogs

 **single:** we went out to find frogs 

**single:** fucking 

**single:** do not ask

**edgelord:** everyday i genuinely get more concerned for you guys

**shit eater:** it was kinda hot

**single:** die

**furry:** do frogs moan?

**shit eater:** actually they croak 

**child:** this ^ has ruined my image of frogs forever 

**shit eater:** you've done worse 

**furry:** chan croaks?

**angel:** lets stop right there

**tall mf:** is it my turn? :>

**furry:** go ahead-

**tall mf:** this is pretty weird but

 **tall mf:** i have three nipples?

**furry:** YOU CAN HAVE THREE NIPPLES???

**shit eater:** thats kinda hot ;)

**single:** please! die! painfully! jun!

**tall mf:** it doesn't do anything and its kinda small but yeah its there-

**furry:** I GOTTA SEE THIS 

**small mf:** you guys just met-

**tall mf:** its all right 

**tall mf:** soonyoung if you wanna see my third nipple you can

**furry:** YES

 **furry:** I DIDNT EVEN KNOW YOU COULD HAVE THREE NIPPLES

 **furry:** THATS SO COOL

**tall mf:** really?

**furry:** YEAH

 **furry:** ITS LIKE THEN YOU HAVE A BACKUP NIPPLE IN CASE ANYTHING HAPPENS

**tall mf:** backup nipple?

 **tall mf:** i never thought about it like that

**furry:** LIKE IF YOU GET SHOT IN THE NIPPLE OR SMTH

 **furry:** YOU COULD GET NIPPLE TRANSFER 

**tall mf:** why would i get shot in the nipple?

**furry:** idk

 **furry:** but

 **furry:** where are you?

**tall mf:** my apartment why

**furry:** i dont even know where you live but im gonna go find you

**furry is offline**

**tall mf:** should i be worried?

**shit eater:** nah

 **shit eater:** soons is super nice and he gets excited over weird things

 **shit eater:** he's super friendly tho

 **shit eater:** you might wanna dm him ur address or else hes gonna go to every apartment in the whole damn country 

**tall mf:** ok :)

**father:** and that isnt even the weirdest thing thats happened here-

**edgelord:** is soonyoung really gonna go look at his nipple?

**small mf:** prob 

**single:** well anyways

 **single:** whos next?

**bruh:** me

**angel:** where have you been?

**bruh:** ;)

**angel:** nevermind

**bruh:** i robbed mcdonalds one time

**small mf:** shouldn't you be in jail-

**bruh:** not if no one says anything ;)

**father:** how did you even-

**bruh:** it was actually me and soons.

 **bruh:** we brought a large bucket and filled it with all the sprite in the entire mcdonalds.

 **bruh:** we were gonna raid the kitchens to see if there were drugs but soonyoung swore he heard a child crying so we bolted

**shit eater:** how did you not get caught

**bruh:** soonyoung accidentally broke the security cam by throwing a door handle at it in excitement 

**edgelord:** why was he-

 **edgelord:** yk what idc anymore

**small mf:** i was wondering why you guys had so much sprite outta nowhere

**bruh:** this is top secret doe

 **bruh:** i dont wanna go to jail for robbing Mcdonalds 

**small mf:** i dont want you to go to jail with soonyoung-

 **small mf:** it would be like watching a hyperactive child at the edge of a lava pit

**bruh:** good thing im a terrible babysitter then ;)

 **bruh:** anyways whos next?

**angel:** last but not least chan

**child:** oh boy-

 **child:** i

 **child:** am

 **child:** not 

**child:** a

 **child:** virgin

**angel:** WHAT ???L#)($(*&(#&$()&*&

**father:** EXCUSE ME???? WHAT?????

**small mf:** HUH 

**shit eater:** OAKSKKAJSKAK WHAT????????

**single:** way to end it with a bang-

**bruh:** haha bang ;)

 **bruh:** you get it?

**angel:** NOT THE RIGHT TIME 

**father:** MY INNOCENT CHILD

**angel:** WHAT HAPPENED TO MY BABY 

**father:** HE HAS SUCCUMBED TO THE SINS 

**angel:** WOE IS ME 

**edgelord:** it was bound to happen at some point-

**angel:** SHUT UP WERE HAVING A MOMENT 

**father:** YOU KNOW WHAT THIS MEANS

 **father:** YOU MUST GET The Talk 

**angel:** YES YOU MUST GET THE SACRED Talk

**child:** NOOOOOO UGH ITS GONNA BE SO AWKWARD

**angel:** COME 

**angel:** WE SHALL MEET AT MY HUMBLE ABODE 

**father:** WE SHALL

**f** **ather is offline**

**angel is offline**

**child is offline**

**shit eater:** threesome?

**single:** i hate you so much

**shit eater:** aw babe you love me <3

**small mf:** i love how they started to speak all proper after finding out chan has been fucking

**shit eater:** was that sarcasm? i can never tell with you

**small mf:** it was sarcasm :/

**shit eater:** my question was sarcasm :/

**small mf:** :/

**single:** welp that was fun

**edgelord:** this entire talk has drained all of my social energy

 **edgelord:** in fact im gonna go take a nap now

**edgelord is offline**

**shit eater:** hey **@single** wanna make out?

**single:** die 

**shit eater:** </3

**small mf:** honestly a nap sounds nice rn

**small mf is offline**

**shit eater:** looks like its just you and me babe

**single:** actually hansol is still here

**bruh is offline**

**shit eater:** BAHAHAH

**single:** >:/

**shit eater:** hey **@single**

**single:** what

**shit eater:** wanna make out?

**single is offline**

**shit eater:** </3

**Tax Fraud Squad**

**5;online Dec 8, 4:00pm**

**furry:** I CAN DIE IN PEACE

**small mf:** why what happened

**furry:** I SAW MINGYUS THIRD NIPPLE

**small mf:** i told yall he would actually go see it

**furry:** IT WAS TINY BUT IT EXISTS 

**furry:** HIS BACKUP NIPPLE

 **furry:** also mingyu kinda a hottie ;)

 **furry:** and he has nice abs

 **furry:** he gon make me act up

**edgelord:** :/ 

**furry:** what? jealous?

**edgelord:** no

**furry:** kinda sus but ok ;)

**small mf:** did you do anything else?

**furry:** HE HAS THE CUTEST DOG 

**furry:** I MIGHT JUST STEAL HER

 **furry:** AND HE CAN COOK SOMETHING BESIDES INSTANT RAMEN

 **furry:** AND HES A WHOLE GROWN ASS MAN BUT HE GIGGLES?)(@)#()$(&

 **furry:** IDK HOW BUT HE MANAGED TO BE HOT AND CUTE LIKE??????

**bruh:** so we've come to the conclusion that

 **bruh:** mingyu=cutie

**furry:** I MAY BE A CERTIFIED SIMP

**single:** you and the entire school :/

**furry:** OUR SCHOOL HAS TASTE

 **furry:** I MEAN HE LET ME LOOK AT HIS THIRD NIPPLE

 **furry:** I FEEL THE CONNECTION

**edgelord:**...mhm

**furry:** what? did you wanna see his nipples?

**edgelord:** WHAHGSHSG???? NO NO OF COURSE NOT

**furry:** sus 

**furry:** anyways 

**furry:** what are yall doing

**edgelord:** im going to the library

**furry:** ew book nerd

**edgelord:** at least i can do my 8 times tables 

**furry:** SHUT UP YOU KNOW MY RELATIONSHIP WITH THE 8 TIMES TABLES

**edgelord:** uh huh and how you cant do 8x7

**furry:** DONT SAY SUCH PROFANITIES IN MY HOUSE

**pervert:** what? 8x7?

**furry:** AHAHHHHHHHHHH DONT SAY IT

**edgelord:** he has a rough relationship with 8x7

 **edgelord:** even though he's in college he still can't do it without a calculator 

**pervert:** lmao

**furry:** STOP ITS NOT FUNNY

 **furry:** IT HAUNTS MY DREAMS 

**edgelord:** kay anyways i gotta go 

**edgelord:** later

**edgelord is offline**

**furry:** I HOPE 8x7 GETS YOU IN YOUR SLEEP >:(

**pervert:** its just 56

**furry:** AHHHHHHHHHHH DONT SAY THAT CURSED WORD

**pervert:** lmao

**That's my Best Friend </3**

**2;online Dec 8, 4:00pm**

**Bestie 2:** wait theres a hot guy in the library 

**Bestie 1:** what 

**Bestie 1:** a hot guy at the library? 

**Bestie 1:** only stinky nerds hang out at the library 

**Bestie 2:** didnt you first meet minghao at the library

**Bestie 1:** hes to dumb to be a stinky nerd

**Bestie 2:** im honestly so confused about ur relationship

**Bestie 1:** we just have a different way of expressing love 

**Bestie 2:** through him telling you to die and you calling him dumb? 

**Bestie 1:** yes <3

**Bestie 2:** thats dumb but ok

**Bestie 1:** fine deal with your boy problem by yourself then

**Bestie 2:** before you go the Hot Guy is talking with minghao

**Bestie 1:** WHAT A HOT GUY TALKING TO HIM 

**Bestie 1:** HE DOES REALIZE WERE NOT ACTUALLY BROKEN UP RIGHT?????

**Bestie 2:** relax its a more friendly kinda talk

 **Bestie 2:** not like flirting talk

 **Bestie 2:** from what i can see

**Bestie 1:** are you stalking them from behind a bookshelf or smth?

**Bestie 2:**...maybe

 **Bestie 2:** but only because this guy is freakishly close to my ideal type

**Bestie 1:** ur ideal type is godlike 

**Bestie 2:** ik which is why i think im dreaming rn

**Bestie 1:** send pics 

**Bestie 2:** ok creepo

 **Bestie 2:** [two photo attachments]

**Bestie 1:** wait....

**Bestie 2:** what?

**Bestie 1:** BAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH OMG MDKKSJDKD

**Bestie 2:** WHAT????

**Bestie 1:** THATS KIM MINGYU DUMBFUCK NJISDHLISDJBKSD

**Bestie 2:** WHAT?????? HUH#EIUIDOJ(#*($ UM HUH????

 **Bestie 2:** HE LOOKS COMPLETELY DIFFERENT BUT ALSO THE SAME????

 **Bestie 2:** ITS LIKE FATE WANTS ME TO HAVE A CRUSH ON HIM AGIAN

 **Bestie 2:** hes hot this is unfair >:((((((

**Bestie 1:** go talk to him >:)

**Bestie 2:** hell no

**Bestie 1:** chile how you gonna get a boyfriend if you just gonna stalk him????

**Bestie 2:** im not gonna get a boyfriend :/

**Bestie 1:** UH HUH YES YOU ARE WHETHER YOU LIKE IT OR NOT 

**shit eater + dog**

**2;online Dec 8, 4:05pm**

**shit eater:** hey

 **shit eater:** loser

 **shit eater:** haooooooooooo

 **shit eater:** **@dog**

**dog:** what

**shit eater:** I LOVE YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUU <333333333333333

**dog:** im leaving

**shit eater:** no wait i actually have something important to say

**dog:** and that is-

**shit eater:** ur in the library with mingyu right?

**dog:** ye why?

**shit eater:** wonwoos stalking yall from behind a bookshelf and he was screaming about how mingyu is his ideal type and how hes hot

 **shit eater:** so my genius brain thought "lets get them to talk so i can enjoy panicked wonwoo and so wonwoo could maybe get a boyfriend"

**dog:** yk what? im bored so lets do it

**That's my Best Friend </3**

**2;online Dec 8, 4:10pm**

**Bestie 1:** jun

 **Bestie 1:** JUN

 **Bestie 1:** OML JUN

 **Bestie 1:** HE COIGM TOWARDS MEE??????

 **Bestie 1:** dont leave me like this 

**Bestie 1:** I TAKE BACK EVERY BAD THING I EVER SAID

 **Bestie 1:** DONT IGNORE ME IJDFKJDKM

 **Bestie 1:** HES TALKING TO ME???????? HELP EKJDSJC

**shit eater + dog**

**2;online Dec 8, 4:16pm**

**shit eater:** whats happening

**dog:** mingyu introduced himself, wonwoos all flustered and he introduced himself as well, even though mingyu already knows its him (lol)

 **dog:** THIS BITCH IS STAMMERING??? SINCE WHEN IS WONWOO CUTE AND NOT AN ASS???? HELP???

 **dog:** i wish our first meeting was this cute

**shit eater:** this technically isnt their FIRST meeting but i get what you mean

 **shit eater:** also

 **shit eater:** be grateful you got ME as your boyfriend loser

**dog:** yeah yeah whatever

 **dog:** ugh stop their actually blushing rn

 **dog:** its so cute im jealous

**shit eater:** should i make you blush?

**dog:** die

**shit eater:** ur so cute hao

**dog:** ACTUALLY DIE 

**shit eater:** i love you too ;) 

**shit eater:** WAIT I JUST GOT A GOOD IDEA

**shit eater created a chat**

**shit eater added single and edgelord to the chat**

**shit eater named the chat Operation: Get Wonwoo a Man**

**shit eater changed their name to call me**

**call me changed single's name to beep me**

**call me changed edgelord's name to single loser**

**Operation: Get Wonwoo a Man**

**3;online Dec 8, 4:25pm**

**beep me:** HOW COME I HAVE TO BE BEEP ME

 **beep me:** THATS NOT FAIR IM ALWAYS CALL ME

**call me:** YEAH WELL ITS MY TURN TO BE CALL ME >:(

 **call me:** ALSO BEEP ME IS NOT THAT BAD

**single loser:** you have done this before?

 **single loser:** nevermind of course you guys have done this before-

**call me:** we are Certified Spies

**beep me:** so why are we Kim Possible-ing?

**call me:** literally read the chat name dummy 

**beep me:** yk what shut up

 **beep me:** are we gonna like stalk wonwoo

**call me:** prob when he goes on a date with gyu or smth

 **call me:** we can like spy on him

**single loser:** i love how were talking as if im not here hahaha

**beep me:** shut up ur irrelevant 

**single loser:** damn ok

**beep me:** go talk with your bf

**single loser:** die

**call me:** what were yall talking about 

**single loser:** stuff

**call mf:** BE SPECIFIC 

**single loser:** um about ourselves, about school, about the past few years 

**beep me:** mhm but why were you blushing so much 

**single loser:** well he had to go but he wanted to talk more so he invited me to hang out over the weekend

**call me:** A DATE??? ALREADY??? WHENS THE WEDDING???

**single loser:** it is a Friendly Outing 

**call me:** whatever you say

**single loser:** ugh stop hes so cute

 **single loser:** he called me that nickname from like 7th grade im gonna go cry in a hole

**call me:** stop thats cute ;-;

**beep me:** *sobs*

**single loser:** HE GAVE ME A HUG????? *has a breakdown*

 **single loser:** IM SCREAMING HELP

**call me:** AAKSKSKKLAD

**beep me:** *sobs louder*

**single loser:** well its gonna be harder than i thought to repress All My Feelings

**call me:** what-no

**beep me:** wait-thats not what- 

**single loser is offline**

**call me:** this is gonna be harder than we thought-

**beep me:** dang :/

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> comes back months later without starbucks or however it goes- anyways im REALLY SORRY for not updating:((((( i posted this then i had a bunch of exams and got SUPER busy but i promise that i will begin to update more regularly. pls comment smth cause i need validation from strangers. 
> 
> stay safe and sexy beautiful people~~
> 
> In The Next Chapter --->  
> \- jun gets a dick scar  
> \- sadly jihoon passes away (fly high)  
> \- joshua is running from his problems ( literally)  
> \- socially awkward is not in vernons dicktionary™
> 
> Random Note:  
> i once did see frogs having sex and ran away so fast.


End file.
